It was approximately 3 years ago to the day, I was in a VERY dark place in my life…
On the outside, my life was fantastic – even though I have and will always face many adversities and difficulties in my life through myself being ‘severely disabled’ – I had 4 fantastic children, a very loving, caring, supportive partner, a thriving successful business turning over 6 figures, a beautiful home and was financially doing very well… I was actually envied by some.
I had everything, or so I thought however – I couldn’t have been more wrong – I had ‘nothing’ because I didn’t know THEN what I know now.
On the inside as I said was a very different story, I was in turmoil in my own mind – I was on the brink of not wanting to be here at all, and was deeply stressed, overworked, burned out and couldn’t see ANY way out but one…
I have NEVER felt so ill, isolated, depressed, suicidal even – it was a horrendous experience. One I will never forget, and fortunately now never experience again.
At the time I didn’t see things for what they were in truth or reality, as I do now and now I know that life is absolutely designed in order and on complete purpose, (if you had told me this throughout that time I would simply laughed…)
The 35 year culmination of me getting to this huge low point in my life easily dismissible as ‘poor me’ and because I didn’t know any different – that’s exactly what I thought, after all this is all I ever heard in my life from people around me, family, friends, and the way people in general treated me particularly in reference to my disability.
I went to Sherbourne Fields Special School as a child, a school designed to cater for the needs of severely disabled children whilst providing them an education, and really loved my time there even though it was a pretty depressing place.
All the kids there looking back were absolutely moulded into this social example of what disabled was – not being able to do anything, not being able to think for themselves, not being able to be who they were, not having a dream or goal to aspire to – and lots of the kids there ended up going into care homes.
I was told by the headteacher Mrs. Churchill that I had something different about me, and I always told her ‘yes, I don’t want to be disabled as I didn’t feel like I was’.
I was actually quickly moved into mainstream school, first Newdigate Middle in Bedworth, then Ash Green Secondary School in Bedworth, and although it was a daunting experience for me I was rarely bullied, and had a decent sized group of friends.
I was raised into a poverty consciousness paradigm, of which I had no control over and lived a life of lack, struggle, financial hardship, scarcity, control, and not taking responsibility – and it is easy to live up to this paradigm, why wouldn’t it be?
As I said, on top of all this – I was born with Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy with no possible chance of ever walking normally, years of extensive physic therapy, countless surgical operations plus my father died of a brain tumour when I was approximately 16 months old and so I had no guidance and a gaping whole in my life.
As I say, very easy to curl up and give up.
I wanted more.
This couldn’t be my destiny.
It was never going to be…
You see, ever since I was about 7 years old, I had a burning desire to be someone special, be someone successful, be extremely wealthy, be someone who would be noticed, be someone who others could look up to and inspire others, all complete dualities of the ACTUAL life I had at the time.
I would regularly dream, literally that I was this person already and would envisage my plan of what I would do to achieve this.
This is why I set up my business, as I thought my BUSINESS was what was going to help me achieve and realise my dreams, which couldn’t be further from the truth…
Little did I know, MY MIND was the problem in preventing all this from actually becoming a reality, yes – my mind, not my body. My way of thinking. My way of settling for what others wanted for me. The way I was conditioned to be was the killer.
NOT THE WAY I KNEW I WOULD BE.
I was regularly told I was a dreamer, and living in cuckoo land and that none of these dreams would ever be real and to go out into the world and get a normal job just like everyone else, and be a follower, just like the majority.
But I – KNEW, that I was a leader, I was different, and I was going to succeed.
The damage done to my mind through all of these factors was immense until the day I met an INCREDIBLE lady named Sue M McDonald.
Ironically, I only knew Sue at the time as she was a client of my Mentoring Programme in my business, and little did I know that I had no clue about mentoring people until I met her! (We can laugh about this now, hey Sue McDonald?
Sue spent countless hours when I couldn’t nor wanted to be there for myself throughout my ‘breakdown’ supporting me, spurring me on – sending me daily emails of encouragement and unconditional love – even though I never wanted to turn on my computer – I couldn’t even LOOK at my computer, but Sue was there, every time unconditionally with love and support in her heart.
Myself and Sue spent hundreds of hours on Skype, talking, understanding, learning and growing about just WHY things were the way they were and the REAL SECRET to changing and realising my dreams was:
‘If you are not getting the results you want, you have to change the way you think’
Sounds easy right?
However, even now three years later, Sue travelling over 60,000 miles to coach me and being 85% there – the journey is not over – the journey hasn’t yet even begun.
I have taken this time to completely retrain my mind, accept that the paradigm I was born into is completely on purpose, my disability was to prevent me from running away in order to learn leadership responsibilities, the loss of my father was because he couldn’t support me the way I needed supporting to live my own life and NOT model his, and perhaps most importantly that everything that happens in our lives WE ATTRACT UNTIL WE LEARN THE LESSONS AND GROW FROM THE EXPERIENCE, and the ability to teach others this and support them through their own growth to success, through COMPLETE authenticity of WALKING THE WALK through self love and unconditional love for all others.
There are so many more things I will share with you soon in the next instalment of my journey – which I look forward to revealing very soon…
Thanks for reading… x